A Thought: Authenticity is the most important value to uphold in professional life.
A Reason: Being authentic brings deeper levels of success and leads to building happiness, not only satisfaction.
A Reality: We work for most part of our days. Business life matters. It is not an island. It burns that it is practically impossible to be authentic in business.
A Fussy-Wussy: A professional survey screams: “you question ‘conventional wisdom and conventional behaviours’, you are a bit unconventional yourself.”
A Process: The child is no longer an infant, no longer a teenager. He is an activist. Out goes he. Plans to change the world. The corporation hits. The corporation demands. And he normalizes self. Others did as well.
Open Parentheses: I drank the cool aid, quenched my thirst, became a "team player", and played the role of "culture carrier". That is great and all. But what really happened? During this process, I drifted towards the status quo and the median. I gradually replicated behaviours and practices that had been established, used, and implemented by others in the past. I did think, I did create, I did innovate, I did deliver, I did produce. But, in all instances, I felt constrained. Constrained to act within accepted parameters. It was rare to deviate one step further, to really question the underlying philosophy of value proposition. In all, I was not able to channel my “authentic genius”, meaning working from my truest, rawest, bestest, or worst expression of myself. I did not find that realm where mistakes happen but where real, true innovation occurs. Close Parentheses.
A Conclusion: Authenticity is most challenged during career development because people do not easily accept what is unconventional until after the fact. We resist authenticity and chose to adapt, flex, and deliver within the expectations. We challenge authenticity because we believe that norms and rules add to productivity. We prefer to operate in comfortable spaces where the level of risk is lower. When we are authentic, we are at our best, deliver the most, reach full potential.
A Secret: I find myself living at the peripheral areas of my brain. Before, I did not. Now, my brain makes decisions considering notions of career success that seem to respond more to ego needs, societal demands, or perceptions of what a career path should look like.
A Suggestion: Act, study, relate to others from a point of absolute raw expression. Build on everything learned but operate from a no-pose point of view. Make this choice because life then becomes a risk-free environment in which we get to understand our very mortality. You will then build resilience. In that way, channel unconventionality in productive ways.
Most Cliche-d Explanation: Enhance unconventionality and become authentic. Leave an impactful, lucrative, and exciting trace. Search for something special. That is the opportunity to be. Find a business, role, function to channel energy. Repeat NOT others, find self, this will lead to a deeper level of success and build happiness, not only satisfaction.
Drink this cool-aid.
12/03/2010
7/29/2010
Mercurio, Sky
Thar Desert. India. March. 2010.
Un escarabajo y un hombre, yo en forma humana, luchando por la duna mas alta del desierto. Momento permanente. Grabado. Entendiendo la evolucion.
El cielo cayendo electrico, directo, metalico, banado de mercurio, termometro desparramado y Dali hablando en Indi. Trance.
Un escarabajo y un hombre, yo en forma humana, luchando por la duna mas alta del desierto. Momento permanente. Grabado. Entendiendo la evolucion.
El cielo cayendo electrico, directo, metalico, banado de mercurio, termometro desparramado y Dali hablando en Indi. Trance.
7/23/2010
Floating House
Dear,
So much happening at once. Life cascading down with many subtle situations that only one can weigh and understand why they are so complex. You will remain a float. I have seen you. You are too much of a strong swimmer. Luckily, you know that better than anyone.
I hear you and the things that are or were happening seem of the kind that is embedded, a bit deeper than usual. The detachment from a boat, the detachment from a heart, the ending of prior chapters and lives. Whatever the outcome of these situations, I am sure you will arrive at the right destination.
Give yourself to thinking about what you need and want. Do it. For hours if needed. Go running. Do yoga. Perhpas take a ride up north to wine nations. Treat yourself to finding a bit of silence to determine what is to happen and how it is happening. The how is happening can be changed. And a lot can improve just by understanding that. Regardless of outcome, I think this silence, time with yourself, brief times of healing with yourself and for yourself, will provide clarity, ease, and the emotional strength will prevail over the exhaustion.
It is a lot to feel and a lot to let go. But you cannot be sad. Perhaps you need to feel sad. It may be needed and healthy. But of course, I do not want you to feel that way. I want you to objectively look at what is happening and split the issues. And whatever feelings come. Have them all. As needed. But do look at them, observe them, and take care of them one by one. I think it is possible and every day will be better. I even bet you are in an entirely different state of heart today.
Perhaps it is time to let go of your floating house. You have found such peace and warmth in those waters. I know because I have seen you, even if only glimpses, smiling while you float in it. You rock that boat. That boat rocks you. But, perhaps, it is time to let go of it, find yourself in the city, and living with a friend and muse sounds like the perfect transition. You will have company, when needed. You will have comfort and space. And you will gain sanity to move back into life after letting go of your marriage. And that boat may remind you of that prior chapter or perhaps hold you in the in between. Just think about these things. Even if you are feeling better. Do give yourself to thinking about your life, your grand scheme, your longevity. Not only the today and next week but what is it that you want in the future or for you. Perhaps that boat is holding you in a safe place, warming you, and it may be the time to let go of it. And move onwards.
You are brave and you can do that. Boats will be floating. That neighborhood will be waiting if you ever decide to come back in another chapter of your life. I would say, think about this. Think about yourself and what you need. What is out there, as a solution, to really let go of the sadness and move ahead. It may be a challenge but challenges are often incredible sources of inspiration, growth, and lead to changes that also lead to better times if properly managed. And I am sure you can manage this properly my dear.
You have told me this and I know this is a fact. Love is waiting and love will find you. It will find you accurately and precisely. And it will suit you and fulfill you, thoroughly. I am sure that you know this and know the situation you are in better than anyone. Be strong and honest and do not arrive to a place of dishonesty. Act from the heart and with heart.
As you know, I am here. I am here always. And want to hear how you are doing at all moments. Always. Not skipping any sad news. Not withholding any great news. I want all the moments. All the feelings. And I want you to feel that you can arrive at me when you want. It is safe. It will always be.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that is happening to you that I think you can find fault in. You are just living. And you have to continue. Face and chest upwardly pointed, smile within regardless of the hardship, just a sense of seeking for better-ness of "I find bliss because I look for it" and nothing passes without roughing it. So rough it. But get through it. Count on me for whatever. I am here.
I miss you.
So much happening at once. Life cascading down with many subtle situations that only one can weigh and understand why they are so complex. You will remain a float. I have seen you. You are too much of a strong swimmer. Luckily, you know that better than anyone.
I hear you and the things that are or were happening seem of the kind that is embedded, a bit deeper than usual. The detachment from a boat, the detachment from a heart, the ending of prior chapters and lives. Whatever the outcome of these situations, I am sure you will arrive at the right destination.
Give yourself to thinking about what you need and want. Do it. For hours if needed. Go running. Do yoga. Perhpas take a ride up north to wine nations. Treat yourself to finding a bit of silence to determine what is to happen and how it is happening. The how is happening can be changed. And a lot can improve just by understanding that. Regardless of outcome, I think this silence, time with yourself, brief times of healing with yourself and for yourself, will provide clarity, ease, and the emotional strength will prevail over the exhaustion.
It is a lot to feel and a lot to let go. But you cannot be sad. Perhaps you need to feel sad. It may be needed and healthy. But of course, I do not want you to feel that way. I want you to objectively look at what is happening and split the issues. And whatever feelings come. Have them all. As needed. But do look at them, observe them, and take care of them one by one. I think it is possible and every day will be better. I even bet you are in an entirely different state of heart today.
Perhaps it is time to let go of your floating house. You have found such peace and warmth in those waters. I know because I have seen you, even if only glimpses, smiling while you float in it. You rock that boat. That boat rocks you. But, perhaps, it is time to let go of it, find yourself in the city, and living with a friend and muse sounds like the perfect transition. You will have company, when needed. You will have comfort and space. And you will gain sanity to move back into life after letting go of your marriage. And that boat may remind you of that prior chapter or perhaps hold you in the in between. Just think about these things. Even if you are feeling better. Do give yourself to thinking about your life, your grand scheme, your longevity. Not only the today and next week but what is it that you want in the future or for you. Perhaps that boat is holding you in a safe place, warming you, and it may be the time to let go of it. And move onwards.
You are brave and you can do that. Boats will be floating. That neighborhood will be waiting if you ever decide to come back in another chapter of your life. I would say, think about this. Think about yourself and what you need. What is out there, as a solution, to really let go of the sadness and move ahead. It may be a challenge but challenges are often incredible sources of inspiration, growth, and lead to changes that also lead to better times if properly managed. And I am sure you can manage this properly my dear.
You have told me this and I know this is a fact. Love is waiting and love will find you. It will find you accurately and precisely. And it will suit you and fulfill you, thoroughly. I am sure that you know this and know the situation you are in better than anyone. Be strong and honest and do not arrive to a place of dishonesty. Act from the heart and with heart.
As you know, I am here. I am here always. And want to hear how you are doing at all moments. Always. Not skipping any sad news. Not withholding any great news. I want all the moments. All the feelings. And I want you to feel that you can arrive at me when you want. It is safe. It will always be.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that is happening to you that I think you can find fault in. You are just living. And you have to continue. Face and chest upwardly pointed, smile within regardless of the hardship, just a sense of seeking for better-ness of "I find bliss because I look for it" and nothing passes without roughing it. So rough it. But get through it. Count on me for whatever. I am here.
I miss you.
7/11/2010
Citi Standing <-> World Boggling!
Leaping, from world to world. Cities, urban enclosures. Spreading opportunity.
Standing over: city. Feels natural: cos-mo-POLIS.
Let it all dawn. Let the world descend.
Stand, on top, with perspective.
Peripheral, pers-pect-ive! Dawn on!
Timeless Abraxas
Woman and Man,
How fitting to refer to you as dramatically as that. Salute you by referring to your gender: generically. Not by your nationality or name, but instead, by one of the broadest definitions of your respective selves. I do that, of course, consciously, because I need as great an space as possible to get this idea out. This is an attempt at I am not sure what just quite yet. Perhaps, an attempt to share. Nothing else. An attempt to share.
Background: The text I enclose below was born on page #111 of a gift that I received on my 26th birthday: “Demian.” To date, one of the most special gifts I have ever received. Its significance is of such magnitude to me because Herman Hesse recounts recognition of self existence from the very moment of being child and infant. I did not think it possible to detail procedures, findings, conclusions at one point in time that is so distant to present and then speak to a man (me) in our times and ages in first person to the extent he does.
I felt I ought not keep this to myself. It would be tragedy to retain it, a simple reaction that is also egocentric. Sharing it does mean singling out a particular piece of literature from an entire work of art. A book from a shelf. A name, to be a point of reference to you. It also means putting forth a thought. This may be telling of what my psyche and mind currently find relevant when it may not necessarily be the case in eternity. It happens now, it is now, and the question of importance may or may not decay. I have felt, though, it is permanent. Relevance, I feel, shifts as we grow older, wiser, and become different from what we were. This text and conclusion seems, however, timeless to me at present and so I share it.
Dilemma-S: I have fought with the button for many reasons. One, I admire your intellects and singling out one particular text has to be telling and purposeful. You are well read, well felt, well lived. What can I teach you? Is this text relevant enough? I have asked these questions to myself many times. Two, a long time ago, I buried the notion of destiny as important to understand existence. I buried it as soon as I learned the concept of dialectia and swept aside my once beloved pre-Socratic school. Because I am optimistic in general, fate is in particular a very difficult concept for me to grasp or assign any validity to. In a way, I always felt fate assigns us to a powerless way of being. Three, and most importantly, Demian says more than the below. It is so much more. How dare I just choose, pick, and send.
Conclusion: I should dare. This book has given me blind hope. It has re-introduced me to me on a new physical, intellectual, and visceral life challenge. That is: “I am here to find the path to myself”. Finding the path to myself, in all, has been what I am here to do. I understand it now: fully. It is not an excuse but rather the greatest challenge.
Read away. Find the meaning of Abraxas. Find Abraxas. Anyhow… here goes. From Herman Hesse to you:
“At this point a sharp realization burned within me: each man has his “function” but none which he can choose himself, define or perform as he pleases. It was wrong to desire new gods, completely wrong to want to provide the world with something. An enlightened man had but one duty – to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led. The realization shook me profoundly, it was the fruit of this experience. I had often speculated with images of the future, dreamed of roles that I might be assigned, perhaps as poet or prophet or painter, or something similar.
All that was futile. I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint, neither I nor anyone else. All of that was incidental. Each man had only one genuine vocation – to find the way to himself. He might end up as poet or madman, as prophet or criminal – that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern. His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt of evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one’s own inwardness. The new vision roles up before me, glimpsed a hundred times, possibly even expressed before but now experienced for the first time by me. I was an experiment on the part of Nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task was to allow this game on the part of primeval depths to take its course, to feel its will within me and make it wholly mine. That or nothing!”
Herman Hess, Demian
How fitting to refer to you as dramatically as that. Salute you by referring to your gender: generically. Not by your nationality or name, but instead, by one of the broadest definitions of your respective selves. I do that, of course, consciously, because I need as great an space as possible to get this idea out. This is an attempt at I am not sure what just quite yet. Perhaps, an attempt to share. Nothing else. An attempt to share.
Background: The text I enclose below was born on page #111 of a gift that I received on my 26th birthday: “Demian.” To date, one of the most special gifts I have ever received. Its significance is of such magnitude to me because Herman Hesse recounts recognition of self existence from the very moment of being child and infant. I did not think it possible to detail procedures, findings, conclusions at one point in time that is so distant to present and then speak to a man (me) in our times and ages in first person to the extent he does.
I felt I ought not keep this to myself. It would be tragedy to retain it, a simple reaction that is also egocentric. Sharing it does mean singling out a particular piece of literature from an entire work of art. A book from a shelf. A name, to be a point of reference to you. It also means putting forth a thought. This may be telling of what my psyche and mind currently find relevant when it may not necessarily be the case in eternity. It happens now, it is now, and the question of importance may or may not decay. I have felt, though, it is permanent. Relevance, I feel, shifts as we grow older, wiser, and become different from what we were. This text and conclusion seems, however, timeless to me at present and so I share it.
Dilemma-S: I have fought with the button for many reasons. One, I admire your intellects and singling out one particular text has to be telling and purposeful. You are well read, well felt, well lived. What can I teach you? Is this text relevant enough? I have asked these questions to myself many times. Two, a long time ago, I buried the notion of destiny as important to understand existence. I buried it as soon as I learned the concept of dialectia and swept aside my once beloved pre-Socratic school. Because I am optimistic in general, fate is in particular a very difficult concept for me to grasp or assign any validity to. In a way, I always felt fate assigns us to a powerless way of being. Three, and most importantly, Demian says more than the below. It is so much more. How dare I just choose, pick, and send.
Conclusion: I should dare. This book has given me blind hope. It has re-introduced me to me on a new physical, intellectual, and visceral life challenge. That is: “I am here to find the path to myself”. Finding the path to myself, in all, has been what I am here to do. I understand it now: fully. It is not an excuse but rather the greatest challenge.
Read away. Find the meaning of Abraxas. Find Abraxas. Anyhow… here goes. From Herman Hesse to you:
“At this point a sharp realization burned within me: each man has his “function” but none which he can choose himself, define or perform as he pleases. It was wrong to desire new gods, completely wrong to want to provide the world with something. An enlightened man had but one duty – to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led. The realization shook me profoundly, it was the fruit of this experience. I had often speculated with images of the future, dreamed of roles that I might be assigned, perhaps as poet or prophet or painter, or something similar.
All that was futile. I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint, neither I nor anyone else. All of that was incidental. Each man had only one genuine vocation – to find the way to himself. He might end up as poet or madman, as prophet or criminal – that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern. His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt of evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one’s own inwardness. The new vision roles up before me, glimpsed a hundred times, possibly even expressed before but now experienced for the first time by me. I was an experiment on the part of Nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task was to allow this game on the part of primeval depths to take its course, to feel its will within me and make it wholly mine. That or nothing!”
Herman Hess, Demian
7/03/2010
Lagrimas de Elefante
Un hueco, un lugar de mi memoria. Haber llegado a India en la noche, sin conocerla. Tantas muertes bajo los pies de elefantes. Que tierra aquella. El mundo no palpita igual fuera de ella.
Lágrimas de Elefante [Estudiando & Escribiendo]
Nueva York – 11/19/2007
Tierra de los Sueños
En ésta ciudad construida de piedra oscura, en ésta ciudad de grafito, te pido que tomes mi mano y camines conmigo al tope de éstas trescientas sesenta y cinco escaleras. Tengo algo que mostrarte.
Viento cálido sopla y toca nuestras túnicas blancas. Sé, que no tienes claro porque llevas puesto una túnica, te digo, yo tampoco. Así es la vida, sube. El silencio es único en éste atardecer, el sol reluciente pero distante, es una tarde clara. No es un desierto, es una ciudad de piedra.
De la mano, entonces, caminamos hasta el tope de las escaleras. Debes mirar lo que te voy a mostrar, te digo. Por fin, llegamos a un descanso donde el graderío llega a su fin. Ahora, ¿dime que ves?
"Veo bajo mis pies una plataforma. Junto a mí, te veo a ti (tú presencia ahora, frente a ésto, pare ser honesto, me es irrelevante, porque estoy en una plataforma al tope de una montaña con una ciudad de grafito a mis espaldas). Directamente frente a mí, a menos de quinientos metros, veo la cima de una colina, donde comienza un camino en pendiente negativa, que debe tener una inclinación algo mayor a -45 grados. Donde comienza el camino, veo una carpa que esconde algún tipo de actividad. Si me preguntas, te diría que ese parece ser el punto inicial para una carrera. El camino que cae, es de tierra. A sus bordes, hay una muchedumbre de gente que mira, grita en silencio y espera. Siguiendo al camino colina abajo con mi vista, veo que la recta gira al final y parece terminar en un pozo. Donde sólo hay un pequeño charco de agua, donde comienza el horizonte..."
Perfecto. Ahora, no dejes de mirar.
Salen de repente, elefantes de la carpa, que se desploma con la actividad. Salen debajo ella, decenas de elefantes a toda velocidad, montados por hombres de piel casi tan oscura como éste grafito. Salen uno tras otro, levantan polvo, y comienzan a correr a toda velocidad, montaña abajo apenas se desprenden de la carpa que los cubría. La gente comienza a elevar banderas, a gritar, a mirar curiosos, para ver que ocurre.
De repente, alguien llega junto a nosotros en la plataforma, y nos dice al oído, "ahora, mírenlo a él, fíjense en ese jinete".
Al principio nos da gracia, y sonreímos, nos olvidamos de lo que ésta carrera representa. Lo vemos al hombre, delgado, intentando mantener el equilibrio y agarrando con todas sus fuerzas a la cuerda que actúa como rienda para controlar a éste animal que ya es incontrolable. Se bandolea de lado a lado en el lomo de su elefante. Su cara, de repente, es de pánico. Desde la colina, en medio de la carrera, regresa a ver a nuestra plataforma mientras su elefante choca contra otros, y, nos mira directamente a los ojos. Por su mirada, comenzamos a llorar. Nadie nos ha mirado de esa manera. Hemos descubierto la pena.
En seguida, deja de mirarnos, pierde el equilibrio, y cae al piso. Como insecto, corre entre los pies de elefantes hacia uno de los muros al costado del camino que resguardan a la muchedumbre. Pasa por debajo de los barrotes, se ha salvado. Logra salir vivo. Aún cuando está ya, en el grafito que rodea el camino de polvo donde corren los animales, su expresión no es de alivio. Aún cuando la muchedumbre lo abraza y le da palmadas en la espalda, lo vemos con ansias. Lo vemos correr colina abajo y desprenderse de los abrazos. Lo vemos llegar al pozo, donde se han reúnido en armonía los elefantes que han terminado la carrera, con sus respectivos jinetes. Ahí, donde toman un baño antes de caminar juntos al horizonte.
Llega éste jinete al final del camino, al pozo, y lo vemos caminando sólo, nervioso, sin su elefante. Por separado, de repente, su abandonado elefante parece darse por enterado y sale a encuentro del jinete. Nos parece lógico y nos emociona. Lo dejaron desmontado en medio de la carrera. El elefante se acerca y lo mira a su jinete, camina hasta estar directamente frente a él. Se miran a los ojos. El elefante se inclina, y con su movimiento, vemos como resbala lentamente una de sus lágrimas, que cae hasta disolverse en el suelo de arena. Lentamente, en un movimiento circular, extiende su trompa, y con ella, abraza una piedra de grafito. La levanta a ésta piedra, y sin titubear, la deja caer sobre la cabeza de su jinete que permaneció quieto durante este proceso, mirando el reflejo de su cara en la lágrima de su elefante. El jinete a muerto. Muere en el mismo lugar donde cayó la lágrima y vio sú ultimo reflejo. Muere en el mismo lugar, donde, el elefante, se bañará, y se quedará a la espera, de una mayor pena.
Hoy, nos dice nuestro acompañante en la plataforma, es el día más triste de su vida, hoy, comienza su soledad.
dES-PRENDiEndo-ME
Estoy en Delhi, cerrando hoy Week #3 de mi vida en India. Justamente es el punto medio de mi viaje. Quedan tres semanas por delante antes de dejar este subcontinente magico que me ha entregado tantas cosas en tan poco tiempo.
El tiempo y el espacio en que esta mi alma se han vuelto lunares. He sentido la temperatura de mi alma y de mi espiritu irse acercando a lo que la luna representa. Cada vez son mas circulares, cada vez tienen mas tonos que solo descubres con observaciones detallados, y a lo lejos, siento que mi cuerpo cobra nueva luz cada vez que se esconde el sol. Cada dia que termina se siente como una oportunidad mas de comenzar de nuevo. A brillar. A mirar la tierra con perspectiva. A dejar que se formen nuevos crateres. Y a entenderme en la distancia hacia todo, cada vez mejor.
Gracias por acompanarme. Ha sido todo tan intenso y agitado que simoplemente he tenido que escoger momentos especificos para decir algo de tantas emociones que me han envuelto. Este pais, lo tienes que visitar. Y esta aventura, como muchas otras, espero podamos hacerla juntos. Aun cuando seguramente comienzas a formar un hogar y descubrir nuevas prioridades que te podran alejar de pensar en algo asi, espero de corazon, que tengamos la oportunidad de seguir juntos con nuestra busqueda y necesidad de explorar las mareas infinitas - como decia X - de la vida. Explorarlas hasta quedar empapados.
En el safari que hice a camello compramos Bhang. Aparte de eso, he pasado lejos completamente de substancias modernas (cafe, alcohol, cigarrillos, drogas). El peso que subi en Nueva York y que luego sume en Mumbai dandome vida de jet setter ya se ha ido. Veo mi cara nueva. Siento a mi cuerpo diferente. No hay mas peso que el del maltrato de viajes austeros en la India, o el del peso de mi mochila que es lo unico que traigo conmigo. Ropa contada y muchos cuadernos y libros que han sido los ideales companeros para este viaje a mi alma y al alma de la India. Sentirme asi, lejos de las fiestas, de los excesos, de las preocupaciones ridiculas de la gente, me ha traido a un lugar donde me enfoco en mi futuro con completa tranquilidad y con tiempo. Veo al futuro con tanta gana, lo veo como un camino brillante, y me armo de energia para comenzar a tallar ese camino precisamente como lo he querido. Con una sonrisa en el alma, que ha vuelto.
El motivo de hablar sobre Jaizalmer, la ciudad desertica de donde sali por 3 dias en camello al Thar, es porque luego de viajar en un camello sintiendo estar en una alfombra magica gracias al Bhang, llegue a las dunas. Esa noche, y luego otra que fue despues de una sesion de meditacion personal en Pushkar, una ciudad sagrada en Rajasthan, llegue a espacios personales que fueron reveladores. A espacios que me conmovieron hasta el fondo del alma. Como no me ha pasado en mucho tiempo. En esos momentos de tanta verdad, de tactar el infinito, senti, a fondo, y de verdad, la suerte de tenerte. La suerte de habernos encontrado tantas veces en la vida y de haber llegado a tenernos como nos tuvimos los ultimos meses. Que seran eternos. Y que seguiran siendo asi.
Estar acostado en el desierto, en un colchon, con mantas que pesan, cuando la temperatura cae, y teniendo el sonido del desierto y las estrellas tan cerca que te imaginas que caen sobre ti como estalactitas, te hace delirar en vida. Tuve momentos en los que el espiritu logro cobrar claridad y ver imagenes fuertes. Sentirte a ti, verte, como cuando te conoci la primera vez que tengo memoria de conocerte, y luego, viajar como ese nino, en esa cama, conversando contigo hasta llegar a lo que somos hoy. Fue como si hubieramos tenido un primer encuentro carnal, asi de fuerte, fue sentir una conexion tan primaria de lo que es tu existencia en mi vida, o de la importancia de tu como un personaje en mi historia de vida. Fue climax-tisante. Y para mi, muy relevante.
Hace tiempo habia perdido la oportunidad de lograr perspectiva. Siendo absolutamente duro con las relaciones y siempre dispuesto a ser decepcionado por cualquier persona. Ese momento, fue importante, porque saldo esos espacios abiertos regados por toda la vida.
Es desde ese punto de donde escribo. Estando en un camino especial de vida. Te siento en vida, clara, y absolutamente presente en todo. Quisiera que leas como te leo. Lo que escribes, como siempre, es sabio, es profundo, y demuestra el entendimiento acertado que te tienes. Todas estas cosas, son pertinentes, porque sin darte cuenta, esta hablando tu alma, sin palabras medidas, sin prosa pensada, sino naturalmente fluyendo hacia mi, en realidad, como un alma expectante por vida. De verdad, no hay mas que podamos pedir, que la oportunidad de vivir una vida llena de retos, pero con emocion, con el corazon en el alma, y la cabeza en el corazon.
Sabes mas que bien que me hace mucha falta estar contigo en este momento. Verte desenvolver entre tus hormonas que poco a poco han entendido. Verte ser sobrepasada por tantas emociones que allanan las concepciones que habias fijado en la vida porque vas descubriendo un proceso nuevo que te esta cambiando la vida, y que tu, mejor que nadie, sabe que lo quiere hacer lo que siempre ha sido. Aun cuando no estoy ahi, siento que llegare a tiempo para ayudarte.
Ahora, en la India, ha sido dificil. Porque mi camino esta aqui pero en alma, en zen, en om, en nirvana, estoy contigo, en tu corazon, en tus pensamientos, ayudandote, como nos ayudamos, a responder esas preguntas que solo tu y yo captamos porque son importantes, porque son relevantes, y porque merecen atencion.
El dia que llegue al desierto, en el tren que recorria tierras aridas, crei tener visiones. Vi tres pavos reales, caminando libres en varandas de cemento de una de las aldeas deserticas inmersas en pobreza, sequia y belleza. Se me confirmo que esa no fue una vision. Apenas baje del jeep con el que cruzamos al desierto para encontrar nuestros camellos, un pavo real gigante volo sobre mi cabeza, aterrizo, me quedo viendo y se metio a los cuatro matorrales que habia. Ese pavito era una visita tuya. Me hizo pensar en ti. En extranarte y quererte tanto. En poder decirtelo a traves de las plumas que me hechizan con el recuerdo que es presente, permanente, y perceptible tu alma y tus ojos. Que me ven como soy. Que los veo como eres. Y ese vino blanco, que siempre quedara destapado, siempre, esperando que sangre mi cabeza, que armemos proyectos enteros en base a una idea, que pintemos en las noches estructuras resplandecientes con cortes en los pies y papelillos brillantes en nuestra piel.
Love ya, Miss ya, See ya
El tiempo y el espacio en que esta mi alma se han vuelto lunares. He sentido la temperatura de mi alma y de mi espiritu irse acercando a lo que la luna representa. Cada vez son mas circulares, cada vez tienen mas tonos que solo descubres con observaciones detallados, y a lo lejos, siento que mi cuerpo cobra nueva luz cada vez que se esconde el sol. Cada dia que termina se siente como una oportunidad mas de comenzar de nuevo. A brillar. A mirar la tierra con perspectiva. A dejar que se formen nuevos crateres. Y a entenderme en la distancia hacia todo, cada vez mejor.
Gracias por acompanarme. Ha sido todo tan intenso y agitado que simoplemente he tenido que escoger momentos especificos para decir algo de tantas emociones que me han envuelto. Este pais, lo tienes que visitar. Y esta aventura, como muchas otras, espero podamos hacerla juntos. Aun cuando seguramente comienzas a formar un hogar y descubrir nuevas prioridades que te podran alejar de pensar en algo asi, espero de corazon, que tengamos la oportunidad de seguir juntos con nuestra busqueda y necesidad de explorar las mareas infinitas - como decia X - de la vida. Explorarlas hasta quedar empapados.
En el safari que hice a camello compramos Bhang. Aparte de eso, he pasado lejos completamente de substancias modernas (cafe, alcohol, cigarrillos, drogas). El peso que subi en Nueva York y que luego sume en Mumbai dandome vida de jet setter ya se ha ido. Veo mi cara nueva. Siento a mi cuerpo diferente. No hay mas peso que el del maltrato de viajes austeros en la India, o el del peso de mi mochila que es lo unico que traigo conmigo. Ropa contada y muchos cuadernos y libros que han sido los ideales companeros para este viaje a mi alma y al alma de la India. Sentirme asi, lejos de las fiestas, de los excesos, de las preocupaciones ridiculas de la gente, me ha traido a un lugar donde me enfoco en mi futuro con completa tranquilidad y con tiempo. Veo al futuro con tanta gana, lo veo como un camino brillante, y me armo de energia para comenzar a tallar ese camino precisamente como lo he querido. Con una sonrisa en el alma, que ha vuelto.
El motivo de hablar sobre Jaizalmer, la ciudad desertica de donde sali por 3 dias en camello al Thar, es porque luego de viajar en un camello sintiendo estar en una alfombra magica gracias al Bhang, llegue a las dunas. Esa noche, y luego otra que fue despues de una sesion de meditacion personal en Pushkar, una ciudad sagrada en Rajasthan, llegue a espacios personales que fueron reveladores. A espacios que me conmovieron hasta el fondo del alma. Como no me ha pasado en mucho tiempo. En esos momentos de tanta verdad, de tactar el infinito, senti, a fondo, y de verdad, la suerte de tenerte. La suerte de habernos encontrado tantas veces en la vida y de haber llegado a tenernos como nos tuvimos los ultimos meses. Que seran eternos. Y que seguiran siendo asi.
Estar acostado en el desierto, en un colchon, con mantas que pesan, cuando la temperatura cae, y teniendo el sonido del desierto y las estrellas tan cerca que te imaginas que caen sobre ti como estalactitas, te hace delirar en vida. Tuve momentos en los que el espiritu logro cobrar claridad y ver imagenes fuertes. Sentirte a ti, verte, como cuando te conoci la primera vez que tengo memoria de conocerte, y luego, viajar como ese nino, en esa cama, conversando contigo hasta llegar a lo que somos hoy. Fue como si hubieramos tenido un primer encuentro carnal, asi de fuerte, fue sentir una conexion tan primaria de lo que es tu existencia en mi vida, o de la importancia de tu como un personaje en mi historia de vida. Fue climax-tisante. Y para mi, muy relevante.
Hace tiempo habia perdido la oportunidad de lograr perspectiva. Siendo absolutamente duro con las relaciones y siempre dispuesto a ser decepcionado por cualquier persona. Ese momento, fue importante, porque saldo esos espacios abiertos regados por toda la vida.
Es desde ese punto de donde escribo. Estando en un camino especial de vida. Te siento en vida, clara, y absolutamente presente en todo. Quisiera que leas como te leo. Lo que escribes, como siempre, es sabio, es profundo, y demuestra el entendimiento acertado que te tienes. Todas estas cosas, son pertinentes, porque sin darte cuenta, esta hablando tu alma, sin palabras medidas, sin prosa pensada, sino naturalmente fluyendo hacia mi, en realidad, como un alma expectante por vida. De verdad, no hay mas que podamos pedir, que la oportunidad de vivir una vida llena de retos, pero con emocion, con el corazon en el alma, y la cabeza en el corazon.
Sabes mas que bien que me hace mucha falta estar contigo en este momento. Verte desenvolver entre tus hormonas que poco a poco han entendido. Verte ser sobrepasada por tantas emociones que allanan las concepciones que habias fijado en la vida porque vas descubriendo un proceso nuevo que te esta cambiando la vida, y que tu, mejor que nadie, sabe que lo quiere hacer lo que siempre ha sido. Aun cuando no estoy ahi, siento que llegare a tiempo para ayudarte.
Ahora, en la India, ha sido dificil. Porque mi camino esta aqui pero en alma, en zen, en om, en nirvana, estoy contigo, en tu corazon, en tus pensamientos, ayudandote, como nos ayudamos, a responder esas preguntas que solo tu y yo captamos porque son importantes, porque son relevantes, y porque merecen atencion.
El dia que llegue al desierto, en el tren que recorria tierras aridas, crei tener visiones. Vi tres pavos reales, caminando libres en varandas de cemento de una de las aldeas deserticas inmersas en pobreza, sequia y belleza. Se me confirmo que esa no fue una vision. Apenas baje del jeep con el que cruzamos al desierto para encontrar nuestros camellos, un pavo real gigante volo sobre mi cabeza, aterrizo, me quedo viendo y se metio a los cuatro matorrales que habia. Ese pavito era una visita tuya. Me hizo pensar en ti. En extranarte y quererte tanto. En poder decirtelo a traves de las plumas que me hechizan con el recuerdo que es presente, permanente, y perceptible tu alma y tus ojos. Que me ven como soy. Que los veo como eres. Y ese vino blanco, que siempre quedara destapado, siempre, esperando que sangre mi cabeza, que armemos proyectos enteros en base a una idea, que pintemos en las noches estructuras resplandecientes con cortes en los pies y papelillos brillantes en nuestra piel.
Love ya, Miss ya, See ya
Habitat Setting - Dawning Kumb Mehla
You can adjust to any habitat the world has to offer.
Human.
Human is as adaptable as mind permits.
And mind is as infinite as one defies it to be.
No immediate limitations.
Wash your underwear by hand. Day one.
Bathe at the holi river in your underwear among legions of pilgrims from a historic and millenary culture. Day two.
Advance and predict without repercussions the solutions of upcoming movements. Body can follow the mind.
Get used to treating it as savagely as possible. Respect it. Respect them. Yet, do not fail to introduce them to new woundrous habitats, forever.
02/23/2010: NYC to Mumbai : 14 horas >) Sky
Los caminos recorridos hacia mi alma, a mi verdad, han sido sinuosos y sintuosos. Han sido acordes "fuera de tempo", violines que repican, y contadas gotas de agua. Las imperfecciones de mi corazon, abierto, latiendo, sus profundas grietas que resaltan inquietudes.
Hace un ano comence a caminar hacia mi. A ritmo. A paso doble. Caminando a un lugar noble donde los cruces, las pendientes, y las perspectivas se conjugan para dar por fin el yo. Yo como verdad. Yo desnudo. Yo baniado en mi.
Ya no mas como un reflejo de algo mas. Ya no mas como un punto imaginario. Sino como presente en presente.
6/21/2010
India Week #2: Now, Less Metallic
A camel is a monumental animal. Honorable and brutally strong. Persistent, quiet, quintesentially tall. "Raju", said the local man leading the zafari in basic English, "is his name". He raises his hand to height of his white turbant, and with a rough tone, he directs you to mount Raju. You mount it and after 12 hours reach your destiny.
The desert shows itself vast and imperious. The land around is pure gold. The horizon, further ahead, red and rocky. Perplex shadows of green appear timidly, scared, against vast plains of soil that extend below your feet. Plains of soil that extend, like flawless geographical plains marked by vectors that must have been drawn on a draft for a renacent work of art. Your body feels like an aluminum compass. Vertical. Your feet, like a pointed needle. You stand atop an infinite sheet of coarse paper in Western India.
A sand dune, the largest and tallest of all the dunes in this golden cordillera, stands ahead. You set yourself on course to climb it. Prior, you realize: "I am, no longer metallic. I am, no longer, an aluminum plain, a center of vectors." You remove the turbant that was tightly wrapped around your head since the early morning by Mr Desert, himself. You no longer wear the camel- saliba-and-sweat-stained-fine-white-cotton-thread-shirt you purchased in Rajasthan's basari on the eve before. Your body is bare. You let loose of your shoes as fast as you can. Your feet, no longer touch the camel's stomach. Rather, they discover a new touch. Silky sand, feels cold, perfect. You step, for the first time, into an ocean of sand. There is no shade on this side of the dune. The sun reflects on its top but no longer hits your face.
You climb. You look ahead yet find ways to turn around, to move sideways across the dune. It is difficult to not turn, difficult to not find ways to distract yourself before reaching the summit. Silky sand, tuning this unexpected, new, ackward body with the desert. Ultimately, the distraction owes to one single fact. That is, knowing, understanding, and been certain that what you will see at the top of this dune will be vast. It will be absolute. It will be something more than a vision. It will be a memory, that will become permanent, relevant. It will be about mastering the day, through the single, simplest moment. You are sure and certain, this moment, on the summit, will have repercussions.
Repercussions. Repercussions. Repercussions. Distract yourself from the summit. Repercussions.
Bring on the repercussions. Summit reached. All particles seem to have returned and form your body's core again. You are compact again. You think, and better yet, you know: "I am new. I am new. I am, too, desertic."
Over the past 24 hours, riding a camel, I seem to have made mine this dire earth's desire for water. I seem to have made mine the desire to thrive under the extreme sun, to endure extreme conditions, and to persist within draught. Now, there is an an ocean of sand, shades of red confusing themselves with the intense blue that fills the sky above. The sun, impressive, shinning still, as the day ends. The heat, at the late hours of the day, manageable. A dozen camels, resting below the dunes. Sand dunes covering the horizon and spread around in every possible directions. Mountains of gold, of silky sand, untouched by the billion people that populate this subcontinent.
I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place.
Gold and blue in shades my eyes have not seen before. I stand here in the Thar Desert, about 60km away from Jaizalmer, Rajasthan's largest city furthest to the West, equidistant from the Pakistan border. There were camouflage military bases, military vehicles, and peacocks flying freely on the way before reaching this point. I stand in an area of intense international conflict. An strategic point between two of the world's nuclear powers. An area that has seen hoards of Hindi and Muslims disagree, fight, destroy, and combat. Combat for beliefs. Combat for land. Combat for history.
In the single moment, I too stand here combating, disagreeing, fighting, feeling nuclear against my own history and the present moment. Desertic oceans do that. They make moments, ceremonial. It is easy to be new away. Away from history. On an ocean of golden sand.
I walk on the profile of the summit. And I remember. On one side shade. On the other, the sun, as a perfect circle, setting down. My heart looks aside and suddenly discovers the perfect opportunity for action. The perfect opportunity to allow greater excess to this extraordinary moment. The body craves to run downhill, at full speed, down the mountain of sand. No repercussions. Just run. I run. 45 degree slope. I run. Feet reach deeper into the sand. Hit whatever I have to hit in the way. Fall whichever way. Just run and toss and turn. Be free.
Running downhill leads to trampolines. Of the childest kind. Running downhill leads to laughter and the heart pounding ever faster. Running downhill presents you with the summit yet again. It reminds you, of the opportunity, for mastering the day, through the simplest, single moment.
This pilgrimage continues. Experiences, brutal, transformational, find shape. India is a revolution to the heart and mind. I can only find minutes to uncover fine moments. The desert was one. I hope, to find structure to all of this. The journey, itself, is meant for that. For now, I remain, running downhill, falling whichever way, discovering India, tossing, turning, in awe, admiring, being eternally grateful for this amazing privilege, understanding it, and, every day, being less metallic, less aluminum, and a more compact soul.
The desert shows itself vast and imperious. The land around is pure gold. The horizon, further ahead, red and rocky. Perplex shadows of green appear timidly, scared, against vast plains of soil that extend below your feet. Plains of soil that extend, like flawless geographical plains marked by vectors that must have been drawn on a draft for a renacent work of art. Your body feels like an aluminum compass. Vertical. Your feet, like a pointed needle. You stand atop an infinite sheet of coarse paper in Western India.
A sand dune, the largest and tallest of all the dunes in this golden cordillera, stands ahead. You set yourself on course to climb it. Prior, you realize: "I am, no longer metallic. I am, no longer, an aluminum plain, a center of vectors." You remove the turbant that was tightly wrapped around your head since the early morning by Mr Desert, himself. You no longer wear the camel- saliba-and-sweat-stained-fine-white-cotton-thread-shirt you purchased in Rajasthan's basari on the eve before. Your body is bare. You let loose of your shoes as fast as you can. Your feet, no longer touch the camel's stomach. Rather, they discover a new touch. Silky sand, feels cold, perfect. You step, for the first time, into an ocean of sand. There is no shade on this side of the dune. The sun reflects on its top but no longer hits your face.
You climb. You look ahead yet find ways to turn around, to move sideways across the dune. It is difficult to not turn, difficult to not find ways to distract yourself before reaching the summit. Silky sand, tuning this unexpected, new, ackward body with the desert. Ultimately, the distraction owes to one single fact. That is, knowing, understanding, and been certain that what you will see at the top of this dune will be vast. It will be absolute. It will be something more than a vision. It will be a memory, that will become permanent, relevant. It will be about mastering the day, through the single, simplest moment. You are sure and certain, this moment, on the summit, will have repercussions.
Repercussions. Repercussions. Repercussions. Distract yourself from the summit. Repercussions.
Bring on the repercussions. Summit reached. All particles seem to have returned and form your body's core again. You are compact again. You think, and better yet, you know: "I am new. I am new. I am, too, desertic."
Over the past 24 hours, riding a camel, I seem to have made mine this dire earth's desire for water. I seem to have made mine the desire to thrive under the extreme sun, to endure extreme conditions, and to persist within draught. Now, there is an an ocean of sand, shades of red confusing themselves with the intense blue that fills the sky above. The sun, impressive, shinning still, as the day ends. The heat, at the late hours of the day, manageable. A dozen camels, resting below the dunes. Sand dunes covering the horizon and spread around in every possible directions. Mountains of gold, of silky sand, untouched by the billion people that populate this subcontinent.
I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place. I am in a remote place.
Gold and blue in shades my eyes have not seen before. I stand here in the Thar Desert, about 60km away from Jaizalmer, Rajasthan's largest city furthest to the West, equidistant from the Pakistan border. There were camouflage military bases, military vehicles, and peacocks flying freely on the way before reaching this point. I stand in an area of intense international conflict. An strategic point between two of the world's nuclear powers. An area that has seen hoards of Hindi and Muslims disagree, fight, destroy, and combat. Combat for beliefs. Combat for land. Combat for history.
In the single moment, I too stand here combating, disagreeing, fighting, feeling nuclear against my own history and the present moment. Desertic oceans do that. They make moments, ceremonial. It is easy to be new away. Away from history. On an ocean of golden sand.
I walk on the profile of the summit. And I remember. On one side shade. On the other, the sun, as a perfect circle, setting down. My heart looks aside and suddenly discovers the perfect opportunity for action. The perfect opportunity to allow greater excess to this extraordinary moment. The body craves to run downhill, at full speed, down the mountain of sand. No repercussions. Just run. I run. 45 degree slope. I run. Feet reach deeper into the sand. Hit whatever I have to hit in the way. Fall whichever way. Just run and toss and turn. Be free.
Running downhill leads to trampolines. Of the childest kind. Running downhill leads to laughter and the heart pounding ever faster. Running downhill presents you with the summit yet again. It reminds you, of the opportunity, for mastering the day, through the simplest, single moment.
This pilgrimage continues. Experiences, brutal, transformational, find shape. India is a revolution to the heart and mind. I can only find minutes to uncover fine moments. The desert was one. I hope, to find structure to all of this. The journey, itself, is meant for that. For now, I remain, running downhill, falling whichever way, discovering India, tossing, turning, in awe, admiring, being eternally grateful for this amazing privilege, understanding it, and, every day, being less metallic, less aluminum, and a more compact soul.
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