2/08/2010
A Self Portrait of Me, By You
X that I miss a bit more than I can stand.
X that surprises me within frames.
X I want to Yoga Master you!
I woke up today to find this from you. In awe. Feeling like I cannot wait for you to continue discovering me. Feeling like I want to continue discovering you. Like I want to stand in the desert and follow you everywhere. Like I just want to be around and continue giving you ideas and making you smile so you continue to produce work.
When I look at what you sent, I feel as though a very important moment in my life has been archived and depicted. I look at it with such openness. I look at it as though standing in front of a heavy yet shiny steel window that you cannot but help admire because it goes into the sky, into space, and it never ends. And you are tiny. And you are minute. And you are there. I feel like something truly special began that day and that I hope it never ends but rather continues finding forms, ways of expression, tones of humor, depths of soul.
Thank you for the self portrait, by you, of me. It makes me smile to only think about it. I melt when I look at it. What an honor. To find myself naked and split appart in several pictures by you. I wish you could take down my entire body and do it all. And plasmarlo over dolls. And plasmarlo over all kinds of realities. I wish I could meet you in a Roman Amphitheater, semi naked, and wrestle you and your camera. And then kiss you all over. That is how I felt night and again with you. Like I was just desintegrating and forming myself again. Ever different. Ever more interesting. And with angles that are new and I did not know I had before.
That moment, I kept thinking I did not want you to leave, I did not want the morning to end, I did not want an end. Having brushed my teeth with Paul's from Maine, just looked outside the window, pausing for something to make you stay. Then, you showed me the pictures. And I left.
I felt like we conquered what we met for. You discovered me. Actually, it happened all over again just now. It happens every time.
Your self portrait of me, by you, will lead to a self portrait of you, by me. And I love that exploratory road that will take us there.
I slept last night with your white long sleeve shirt. It smells like you. I felt like wearing it yesterday because I wanted to have you around. It did the trick. It looks like I did have you around. I miss you.
X that surprises me within frames.
X I want to Yoga Master you!
I woke up today to find this from you. In awe. Feeling like I cannot wait for you to continue discovering me. Feeling like I want to continue discovering you. Like I want to stand in the desert and follow you everywhere. Like I just want to be around and continue giving you ideas and making you smile so you continue to produce work.
When I look at what you sent, I feel as though a very important moment in my life has been archived and depicted. I look at it with such openness. I look at it as though standing in front of a heavy yet shiny steel window that you cannot but help admire because it goes into the sky, into space, and it never ends. And you are tiny. And you are minute. And you are there. I feel like something truly special began that day and that I hope it never ends but rather continues finding forms, ways of expression, tones of humor, depths of soul.
Thank you for the self portrait, by you, of me. It makes me smile to only think about it. I melt when I look at it. What an honor. To find myself naked and split appart in several pictures by you. I wish you could take down my entire body and do it all. And plasmarlo over dolls. And plasmarlo over all kinds of realities. I wish I could meet you in a Roman Amphitheater, semi naked, and wrestle you and your camera. And then kiss you all over. That is how I felt night and again with you. Like I was just desintegrating and forming myself again. Ever different. Ever more interesting. And with angles that are new and I did not know I had before.
That moment, I kept thinking I did not want you to leave, I did not want the morning to end, I did not want an end. Having brushed my teeth with Paul's from Maine, just looked outside the window, pausing for something to make you stay. Then, you showed me the pictures. And I left.
I felt like we conquered what we met for. You discovered me. Actually, it happened all over again just now. It happens every time.
Your self portrait of me, by you, will lead to a self portrait of you, by me. And I love that exploratory road that will take us there.
I slept last night with your white long sleeve shirt. It smells like you. I felt like wearing it yesterday because I wanted to have you around. It did the trick. It looks like I did have you around. I miss you.
I Should Start Somewhere
I remember the moment? Is that a rhetorical question? Haha! You are so mischievous! I miss you. Haha. The "sweet shoot". Made me blush. Had I seen your grin, like the one on the day when you took the photo, ha, I would have turned red. I cannot stop smiling. That hand. Your blinking eye. The entire moment. It feels hot. Lustful. It feels special. It makes me want to see you right now to argue with you for a little as we used to. Or, to just grin and grin and feel nervous. That was a very special dinner. Amazing moment. It should repeat itself.
There is just so much to say after reading you. So much. I should start somewhere.
First, do not let the rain pour on you. If it rains, it rains on the world. If it feels like something is cracking, let it be the Grand Canyon, far away from you. Organize the ideas, draw a list of all the possible projects worth working on, the plausible ones and the implausible ones. Work on a list of 20 ideas. Let the old clients worth revisiting come in, let the new ideas kick in as well. Opportunities need to be found. For talents like yours, there ought to be plenty. I understand the concern and the crisis does not help. It is a busting place, the rain feels tougher than elsewhere, the drops themselves feel as asphalt sometimes. I am glad travelling was special, carry the feeling. Carry it. Do not let it fade away.
Second, I think it is important we continue to discuss follow-up ideas to the projects. You may have noticed how easy things could happen here. There is a problem though: information asymmetry. The local businesses crave for talent from abroad. They, however, might think they cannot afford it. I think, therefore, that it is important to go directly to all the sponsors with a brief presentation about your business and turning in credentials. Establishing contact with the trigger pullers and decision makers so you can be in front of them. Things here move from person to person. You land one job, the rest will follow. I assume the size of it will be insignificant compared to what you did before but still worth pursuing. Discuss this tonight.
Third, I am lining up a fabulous job for you, or some sort of job at least. Of course it is difficult, like for all of us, because this is ad-honorem or pro bono but if we prioritize the long over the short run I think this can turn into something outstanding for all. We ought to start finding funds to grow and organically develop as a think/do tank or a social movement. The impact this can have on everyone's careers is great.
I am doing well. The experience was important and relevant for me on many levels, as you know. First, it was the first time I arrived to anything in my life feeling that I was exuding my own self. No planned behaviours. No polished or pre-determined answers. No strategic methods. Just me. Plainly me. The results were powerful not only for the connections with everyone there but also because I was able to answer, somewhat unknowingly a big question. It is about authenticity. It was also important because only 6 months ago, I ended a period of very focused executive work, indoors, at a cosmopolitan metropolis. This period came right after 4 years of intense focus on academics, leadership, and just plain dedication to developing a name for myself in an intellectual and professional level. Ending that period and having the opportunity to gain perspective prior to going to study is outstanding. Chances like this will likely not repeat themselves. Second, the experience has yielded a fresh outlook for my volunteer time and perhaps later will become something bigger. I am trying to aim far and aim global. Hopefully it will happen. I am taking a risk because I am thinking of foregoing other opportunities to focus on bringing this organization to the next level. Life is about risks. It keeps you young, fresh, and so I will do it. Finally, allowing myself to be, allowing myself to welcome a surprise was amazing. I did not realize how lonely and inexperienced I am. Since leaving NYC, my main focus has been me, my personal life, what I truly want to extract from life, and I started setting priorities from a very visceral place for the first time. No calculations. I, however, faced so many difficulties. Felt lonely at times. Very much so. Felt like I needed to find something that will help me start a process of clarifying who I am. I came to Ecuador for that reason. Because I am from here and here is where it is toughest for me to yield way to the idea of thinking of building my life. That answer is clearer to me now. I know I can. Prior, it felt difficult as it would be sad sometimes, yet, it also felt like a very private and outstanding aspect that I was privilege to live. Felt like I was a chosen one. In the midst of all these processes and discoveries, this experience came along. It has answered so much. It has given me so much. The opportunity to be. In years and years, the opportunity to share myself a bit more than I have been used to. And the opportunity to find sensible hearts, who own a very special artistic psyche, who have gone through a lot and served to speed down many processes and let me just be present. So, what is going on is what distance allows. I do not know yet if there is that answer that usually lies deep down inside that you know it is going to work or not work out. I just do not know it yet. Feeling our way through the moment of life I am in. And, I am lucky. Passionate. Just knowing that it can happen to me, is great. Asking why I repeat that? Why do I repeat it can happen? I was full of relationships, etc. I had been. But not now. I am looking for more. For depth. For substance. For that kind of substance that makes it all timeless. Special. Propio. Anyhow, this is all over the place. In general, the entire thing is all over the place. I guess time will tell, as it was wisely said. I am free though. I like that.
I feel it is important I work on myself and continue walking the path towards me. Once I have walked further, I should have a better sense of my life's priorities and bring that clarity with me to X wherever that may be. I have been doing that and I do not want to let the process end abruptly after taking so many chances and taking so many risks. I want to walk that road. After that, who knows.
You just wait.
There is just so much to say after reading you. So much. I should start somewhere.
First, do not let the rain pour on you. If it rains, it rains on the world. If it feels like something is cracking, let it be the Grand Canyon, far away from you. Organize the ideas, draw a list of all the possible projects worth working on, the plausible ones and the implausible ones. Work on a list of 20 ideas. Let the old clients worth revisiting come in, let the new ideas kick in as well. Opportunities need to be found. For talents like yours, there ought to be plenty. I understand the concern and the crisis does not help. It is a busting place, the rain feels tougher than elsewhere, the drops themselves feel as asphalt sometimes. I am glad travelling was special, carry the feeling. Carry it. Do not let it fade away.
Second, I think it is important we continue to discuss follow-up ideas to the projects. You may have noticed how easy things could happen here. There is a problem though: information asymmetry. The local businesses crave for talent from abroad. They, however, might think they cannot afford it. I think, therefore, that it is important to go directly to all the sponsors with a brief presentation about your business and turning in credentials. Establishing contact with the trigger pullers and decision makers so you can be in front of them. Things here move from person to person. You land one job, the rest will follow. I assume the size of it will be insignificant compared to what you did before but still worth pursuing. Discuss this tonight.
Third, I am lining up a fabulous job for you, or some sort of job at least. Of course it is difficult, like for all of us, because this is ad-honorem or pro bono but if we prioritize the long over the short run I think this can turn into something outstanding for all. We ought to start finding funds to grow and organically develop as a think/do tank or a social movement. The impact this can have on everyone's careers is great.
I am doing well. The experience was important and relevant for me on many levels, as you know. First, it was the first time I arrived to anything in my life feeling that I was exuding my own self. No planned behaviours. No polished or pre-determined answers. No strategic methods. Just me. Plainly me. The results were powerful not only for the connections with everyone there but also because I was able to answer, somewhat unknowingly a big question. It is about authenticity. It was also important because only 6 months ago, I ended a period of very focused executive work, indoors, at a cosmopolitan metropolis. This period came right after 4 years of intense focus on academics, leadership, and just plain dedication to developing a name for myself in an intellectual and professional level. Ending that period and having the opportunity to gain perspective prior to going to study is outstanding. Chances like this will likely not repeat themselves. Second, the experience has yielded a fresh outlook for my volunteer time and perhaps later will become something bigger. I am trying to aim far and aim global. Hopefully it will happen. I am taking a risk because I am thinking of foregoing other opportunities to focus on bringing this organization to the next level. Life is about risks. It keeps you young, fresh, and so I will do it. Finally, allowing myself to be, allowing myself to welcome a surprise was amazing. I did not realize how lonely and inexperienced I am. Since leaving NYC, my main focus has been me, my personal life, what I truly want to extract from life, and I started setting priorities from a very visceral place for the first time. No calculations. I, however, faced so many difficulties. Felt lonely at times. Very much so. Felt like I needed to find something that will help me start a process of clarifying who I am. I came to Ecuador for that reason. Because I am from here and here is where it is toughest for me to yield way to the idea of thinking of building my life. That answer is clearer to me now. I know I can. Prior, it felt difficult as it would be sad sometimes, yet, it also felt like a very private and outstanding aspect that I was privilege to live. Felt like I was a chosen one. In the midst of all these processes and discoveries, this experience came along. It has answered so much. It has given me so much. The opportunity to be. In years and years, the opportunity to share myself a bit more than I have been used to. And the opportunity to find sensible hearts, who own a very special artistic psyche, who have gone through a lot and served to speed down many processes and let me just be present. So, what is going on is what distance allows. I do not know yet if there is that answer that usually lies deep down inside that you know it is going to work or not work out. I just do not know it yet. Feeling our way through the moment of life I am in. And, I am lucky. Passionate. Just knowing that it can happen to me, is great. Asking why I repeat that? Why do I repeat it can happen? I was full of relationships, etc. I had been. But not now. I am looking for more. For depth. For substance. For that kind of substance that makes it all timeless. Special. Propio. Anyhow, this is all over the place. In general, the entire thing is all over the place. I guess time will tell, as it was wisely said. I am free though. I like that.
I feel it is important I work on myself and continue walking the path towards me. Once I have walked further, I should have a better sense of my life's priorities and bring that clarity with me to X wherever that may be. I have been doing that and I do not want to let the process end abruptly after taking so many chances and taking so many risks. I want to walk that road. After that, who knows.
You just wait.
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