In China, I Will Respond

This is one of those strange messages one writes in life. When one side of the message (me) went through a moment that put things in perspective and feels the need to yell to the other side (you) and to the world something. One side (me) wants this one thing to be heard loudly.

Yesterday, was a big day for me. For years, and you know this from converstions post Goldman Sachs, I have worried that my humanity and capacity to feel things had deserted me. In a way, NYC made me impatient, the fast life did not allow much time to feel, miss, and somehow limited my capacity to understand or even look at my personal life. Anyhow, that I am not going into.

What I want to say to you my dear is that I love you very much. You are so very important to me. So very important. You have been one of those encounters in my life that have been explosive, real, always sincere, and vast. It always changes. It always transforms itself. And it is always present and strong.

As you know, I am in a pseudo spiritual journey here. Meaning, first of all, that I finally decide to take time out of life to see the world. That I am giving myself time. Time to be. Time to think. Time to see. Time to feel. Second, it means that I am travelling simply, with the people, in very austere conditions, and this has allowed me to see things at last from an angle I used to see things from a long time ago. This trip, did not start in India. It started a long time ago. And it became real when I decided to stay in Ecuador and defer my Masters. This journey, reached a turning point yesterday. Because of many different reasons but because of everything. It is almost as if I had conquered a step and was able to feel.

I cannot explain in more detail now, but I laid in bed yesterday, thinking, after a day when I saw poverty in the eye of a child and had to sit down in the middle of a street here in India with the madenning pace of crowds, and cry. In the past 3 years, I have cried only when someone I loved had died. I am not used to crying. At all. And the fact that this happened for some reason let my soul open and go back to many memories. To people. To feelings.

You surfaced in one of these journeys. As I saw a fan above my bed move and saw the cracks on the ceiling, your sould and heart surfaced and made me see, clearly, how lucky I am to have you. And that is what I want to yell. That I love you much and that you are very important, an icon, in my life. Always, always, know this.

Now, with that out of the way. I am so happy to be doing this. It is really bringing me to a place I wanted to get to. And I am understanding a lot. It is a privilege to do this. The world is exciting and the roads to be taken are many and are inviting. I just am in a place where I am gathering again.

I am in India until April 10th (7 weeks total), then I go to China until mid May (5 weeks) and then I go to Brazil (3 weeks). I will live with entrepreneurs in China, volunteer in Brazil as well as study languages there intensively. I cannot wait. After that, I will go to Ecuador for part of June and July and relocate to London on August 1st. All these opportunities. I am truly lucky and hope to make the most of these experiences.

I am glad things with him are better. You know you are my gem and he needs to know he ought to take care of you.

Much to plan. My communication in India is terrible. I just wanted to check in for now. In China, I will have more time and will respond and be in better touch.